My Breastfeeding Journey: My Babies NEVER Slept!
While many would say I had an almost idyllic breastfeeding journey, those early years were some of the toughest of my life. My eldest son, Tor, was born in 2012, and when I was pregnant, I read everything I could get my hands on about the birthing process. I had an easy pregnancy and wonderfully event-free water birth. My husband held our son on his chest while I got cleaned up, and our midwife showed me how to latch him onto my breast. Tor was a hungry baby, and with that first latch, he fed for two hours straight!
I hadn't done much research on breastfeeding because I thought it came naturally, and Tor seemed to prove me right. I had enough milk, no pain, my nipples seemed to hold out well, and Tor just LOVED to feed. Although I hadn't done much research on breastfeeding itself, I knew all about attachment parenting.
Tor slept beside me in my bed, and I woke up all night to feed him. I knew this was expected in the first few months after birth, but by month six, I was exhausted and frustrated. He woke up crying up to 10 times a night. Each time I would lie on my side and latch him onto my breast, and we would often fall asleep like that. I would then get uncomfortable and turn over, only to be woken again by his crying. This process would repeat almost ad infinitum.
Sometimes I would place him in a camp cot at the foot of my bed. I thought he might sleep for longer stretches if he couldn't smell the breast milk. But, unfortunately, this didn't work either. I now spent the night getting out of bed, latching him onto my breast, falling asleep, waking up, getting up to put him back in the cot, and then climbing back into bed only to be woken 15 minutes later!
Although I was lucky enough to escape the ravages of postpartum depression in the early months after birth, at the seven-month mark, I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I combed the internet to find resources on what to do if your baby didn't sleep, but it was almost impossible to find anything that helped.
We visited our local doctor, who told us to try various colic remedies, which seemed to help a bit, but didn’t make a huge difference. I changed my diet, cut out dairy, stopped eating spicy foods, and stopped eating broccoli and cabbage, but nothing worked. Finally, my mother-in-law very kindly slept at our house once a week and took Tor for the night so I could catch up on some much-needed sleep. I would express milk into a bottle, or she would bring him to me in the night for a feed or two.
Only when Tor hit the one-year mark did the all-night wakings taper off. After that, I returned to work, and Tor stayed with a nanny during the day. Every evening when I got home, I breastfed him. It was a special bonding time for us after having been away from him the whole day. I was lucky to continue breastfeeding him until he was two years old.
Looking back now, I think Tor's nighttime wakings may have resulted from undiagnosed reflux issues. Because I was the first of my friends to have a baby, there was no one to reflect with and ask for advice about what to do. And although 2012 wasn’t that long ago, there weren’t as many forums or resources on the internet that you could turn to for help.
Fast-forward to 2016, and our second son, Odin, was born. I was determined that this time, come hell or high water, we were both going to sleep.
Like Tor, I was grateful that Odi latched easily and fed well. I was also very thankful that he slept better than Tor had. I was maybe waking up four to five times a night, but I could handle that.
Odi breastfed well up to the seven-month mark, and then one day, he decided that he no longer wanted to latch onto my breast. Because I had started working around six weeks after Odi’s birth, I was pumping and feeding him a bottle. I think he was battling with nipple confusion, but again, because I hadn't done much research on breastfeeding and it had all gone so well, I didn't know what to do. I tried to force him to latch, but he wouldn't have it. I eventually succumbed to the idea that I would have to pump milk to feed him. However, I didn't have a very good pump, and ultimately, my breast milk started to dry up, and I got him onto formula. I was devastated and felt robbed of the beautiful breastfeeding journey I had with Tor. I also felt guilty that I had returned to work so early and that this may have caused the nipple confusion and early weaning.
I had two very different breastfeeding journeys with my two boys, both beautiful in their own right. Although I may have done things differently in hindsight, I am very grateful I could breastfeed them for as long as I did and for the special bonds and relationships I have with each of them.
