By Jasna Cameron

Most new moms start by wanting to breastfeed their precious bundles. We assume that because mother nature designed it, we can ease into it without hassles and that it should be a flawless, magical experience.

On many levels, confidence in our innate parenting abilities is essential to the species' survival. Still, we must be honest and admit when we need help. And with breastfeeding, we do, we really do. It is beautiful, natural, and the ultimate nourishment we can give our babies, but it isn't easy. So don't set yourself up to be the master of it from the moment go. It is a learning process; you can do it with help and hard work. And if you can't, for whatever reason, that is also ok.

I got my women tribe and book club ladies to share and compare our breastfeeding stories. Our children are of various ages, from babies to teenagers, and some of us are stay-at-home moms, and some are working moms ranging from teachers to physios. It was an interesting collection of stories highlighting how normal breastfeeding is, with the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I started the trip down memory lane with my own story first. Before I became a mom, I didn't think about it much. I figured it was something moms do, like bathing babies or changing diapers 50 times a day. My daughter had arrived when she was supposed to (no early surprises); she was fine and healthy, with ten fingers and ten toes, a good set of lungs, and an even greater appetite. A lactation consultant helped me at the hospital, but it seemed my daughter was a natural. She latched on nicely, there was enough colostrum, and then milk arrived, so I thought, yeah, I've got this. Well, that's just it, everything was as normal as it could be, but I still worried about every detail.

What I enjoyed most about breastfeeding was the evening feeds before I put her down in her cot. I would dim the lights, play soothing classical music and stare at my baby's face adoringly while she nursed contentedly. The worst part was that after a while, my routine of hiding away every time I was nursing became too much. I wasn't comfortable breastfeeding in public or even around my friends. I was one of the first to have the baby in our circle of friends, so it was very new and unfamiliar territory for everyone. I felt I was being excluded, cut off from the normal flow of life.

"I was actually surprised by how natural everything felt to me," reflected my friend, the financial analyst, a high flyer in her own right. "I was scheduled for a caesarian, and I planned to put my son on the bottle as soon as possible because work couldn't wait; I had too much on the line. If having a baby taught me one thing is to be prepared to be unprepared. He arrived a week early and so quickly that there was no time for an epidural, let alone a c-section. I remember some mild discomfort at first trying to help him latch on correctly, but it was beautiful once we got that right. When I went back to work, I started expressing, but I got so efficient that I was pumping in my car and at my office, and it was no trouble. When I was out and about with my friends, I carried a big shawl to cover him up if we were sitting in a restaurant. I never let anyone make me feel like I was doing something potentially embarrassing, that I had to excuse myself and be alone! And I enjoyed it so much with my daughter that I didn't want to stop. Finally, when she was 18 months old, I realized it was time to stop, and I was in tears. I will forever miss those special moments."

"For me, the worst part of breastfeeding was that my kid didn't latch properly in the beginning. I also remember feeling like my breasts weren't my own, which was weird." Denise started by recalling some uneasy times. "But I did enjoy burning off all those extra calories so quickly and getting back to my pre-baby weight - I put on quite a lot while pregnant! It was also pretty efficient to have the milk ready when it was time to feed as opposed to all the preparation that came later when we went onto formula. I did love that snuggly feeling when it was a good latch, and my baby fed well," added Denise with a wistful smile.

Another mom in our group, encouraged by Denise's honest opening, offered her story. "My son also couldn't latch due to a tongue tie which needed to get fixed. I expressed for six months, and the worst part was just the hassle of cleaning all those pump attachments and bottles. What kept me going was that even with all of that, I was still able to provide my child with my breast milk to build his immunity for those first six months."

Natalie, a mom of twins in pre-school, said that she never expected breastfeeding to be an easy part of raising twin babies, but it had its perks." Imagine trying to set up not one but two screaming babies to feed, then not knowing if they had enough! I started pumping, but that was not easy." We all gave her a very compassionate look, but she ended by saying there were moments to treasure. "That bond was beyond words when it was all going well. If I was feeding one at a time, it was our special time, just the two of us for just those few moments. That's when we got to know each other one-on-one, our only alone time together. It was also convenient because I could feed at any time. Oh, and yes, when they got their jabs, it was the best way to soothe them."

Sarah, whose kids are now in primary school and who went back to her teaching job only recently, said: "The worst part was that I found it difficult to process their constant dependence on me. My boys are only 15 months apart, and it was tough to attend to my eldest because it seemed I was always feeding the youngest. I forgot what feeling sexy was like! But if you ask me, and I will happily say this to every new mom, it was very fulfilling knowing that my children were getting the healthiest version of food they could get. And that it was in my power to do that for them. And also, on the practical side, no need to ship food everywhere you go. You are the food!"

"I felt very sexy during my breastfeeding days because my breasts were so big and beautiful!" commented her friend Kylie, also a mom of two and a speech-language pathologist by trade. "With both my kids, getting the latch right was such an achievement. But, on the other hand, as much as I wanted my husband to help me and be involved, I did not appreciate him telling me I was doing it wrong and giving me suggestions on how to get a baby to latch!"

"I was a very young mom, in my early twenties, and my kids were only 13 months apart." Maya, a qualified dietitian, prepped us for her funny story. "Back in the day, before anyone knew anything about babies and breastfeeding, I was doing it all while everyone else was out clubbing every weekend. I was annoyed that I couldn't join you ladies for cocktails and dancing the whole night, but my kids made it easy for me to feed them. I had so much milk that I remember once; as my son was getting older, he skipped a feed, and then for the next one, when he started to cry, the milk squirted from my nipple directly into my husband's eye as he was handing him over to me. I'd do it all over again just to see that look of surprise on his face one more time. I laughed for days!"

After we shared our woes and our successes through tears of laughter and hugs of compassion, all of us realized something precious. Being a mother is the most demanding job in the world, but knowing what we know now, we would do it all over again if we could go back in time. Just because you know some things would be hard on you doesn't make them not worth doing. The most valuable things in life usually take some effort. The same applies to the finer details, like breastfeeding.

We also agreed that in the end, it didn't matter how long we breastfed, whether it was four weeks or 18 months, because every mom is different, just as every baby is different. We all know we did the best we could, just as we do every moment of every day for our children, and that's as much as anyone can do.